Restless in london.......

.its been a wonderful summer as so the British say or rather  the Londoners rejoice. ..it is a city of immigrants Polish being the second most spoken language trailing the  British English which again is in dubious territory thanks to the various accents inherited from counties n beyond ......I saw it all .....saw the April snow ..the May thaw  the June blossoms the July sun tan the Aug barbecues the Sept brunches .....wake me up when Sept comes floating through the memories and yet Oct is here already ...... transitioned to Avici tunes in Hyde Park with travelling in the underground really not anymore a summary experience ...life s been true to what we know of it..some made the most of it and some barely some of it....and yet this summer belonged to everyone ....in their own implicit n explicit ways.....the inevitability of the winter chill reminded me again nothing lasts forever ......but that's not an unknown anymore and yet the restless mind wanders .......

in pursuit of spirituality

to where the mind roams free ......what was planned tobe a day of spiritual bliss did not get off to the flying start that it should have been blessed with...at 7 the drive had turned into a crawl which at 6 would have been swift ...i turned a knowing eye to the occupants of the car who had played a very significant role in the procrastination process.....to forgive n forget ..is what smiles and happiness is all about ..i told the restless me and played the Schumaker on Indian Roads ...it just got worse ...lanes grew narrower and pedastrians swelled ...after 5 hours stuck in no mans land desperation was at its peak ..and then a cabbie scraped the side of my car....i screamed at my helplessness scaring all around me....a crowd surged past us every one of them thumping his handprint on the car........the destination was still beyond sight the end was nearing......then suddenly almost as if the Gods had said enough for the day the so called obstacle reversed n withdrew back...... the crowd made way and we were at the doorstep of divinity......Monkeys sprawling all around reminded me of where we all came from and what we become when put under pressure..we all have our blindspots ..we all have our mirrors....the gong the incessant ringing of the bell ...a growing cresendo ...20 secs .."its loud"....40 secs " wow its not exactly a bell but a crooked bent metal banging on the metal beam"...120 Sec .." a german couple dresed as Radha Krishna...wow what are they doing here of all places"....180 Secs ......"God its been a long day" .... 240 Secs " everyone seems to have their eyes closed i have always had a problem closing them".......5 mins "Do all really believe this works "....5min 45 secs......"the least i can do is try close and eyes and bow fora few seconds".....6 mins ..."may all get what they seek for their happiness"...6Min 30 secs...."i hear the gong loud and i kind of like it '.......7 mins ".......gong gong......gong"......8 mins "gong.....gong.....gong" ......9 mins "....................." 10 mins.....",..............." silence absolute silence no thoughts no whispers no ideas no Chores..no rush..no crowds ..no happiness.no sorrow .no pain...no tiredness.....no peers .....no peer pressure ...just no one...but ONE.....'it 's over say my neighbour .....i slowly open my eyes .....refreshed ....as if i awoke from deep slumber refreshed ...the strain of the journey washed away my smile returns and along with it my friends and family ...my spiritual journey to within and without ...Amen!!!

within and without the civil strife

to where the mind roams free ......the sirens wailing in an area marked for No noise Violation...the flashing red lights raising the shuddering heart by one more beat per sec..the trampling of hurried rushing feet...the screeching wheels of the trolly cutting through the corridor terrified eyes...the failing sheet of white in its desperate attempt to withstand the onslaught of the colour Red.........Dec 1993 dawn to dusk curfew ..a teenager awaits the arrival of his relatives outside the ICU which has his parents fighting inside for the most valueable yet underrated gift ...life itself..the ability to breathe in and out ....within & without.....

The phone line at the other end goes dead as if the primary note has been muted and the only audible ones are nothing but noise....quite in contrast to the noise cancelling bluetooth device being used to make the call by the 26 year girl who still is yet to win her battle to be a 26 yr old lady..she looks at the blackberry given to her by her work and flashes of the feeling of triumph engulf her exhausted mind when she had proudly told her parents of her achievements and had thought she had arrived........the signature 3 beat beep of a new mesage delivered throttles her world back to swelling watery screen barely decipherable......30th September,2010 11:30 pm Sender:Baba Ma Message: Since you have decided to live life on your own terms i guess u also have the right to choose everyone and everything in your life.. irrespective of what we wish or believe...please do not call us again ...we are losing our peace of mind......WITHOUT you atleast we can rest in peace....

"Anti outsourcing law in the US mooted by the Obama administration blocked by the senate"...a smile swims through the eyes to the lips as they taste the rising aromatic flavours of Darjeeling tea.....this tea is really awesome...this is the hour for India to shine its resurgence reflecting in its indomitable spirit of shrugging off fears of recession .. the world cannot choose to ignore India anymore they cannot do without us ..we are essential for their survival and in our survival lies our opportunities and prosperity..prosperity will elliviate poverty and the evils associated with it .........the world 's our oyester....folding the paper back into its unchanging 3 folds fold ... front page headlines bend round the corner....."Allahabad HC Verdict..........."...the blackberry rings again the vibration rattling the cutlery......"Good morning Chandra wats up" ...earpiece clears its throat in response "jai Shri ram Pankaj ..........

The greatest form of Hypocrisy lies within and convenient oversight ....without

rebirth................

to where the mind roams free ......
to live like kings and die like emperors is what mortals desire deep within the closets of their insecurities reinforced by experiences of ridicule from the world within and snubs without... death of an idea comes not from the rejection of it but from the abandonment of it...how many years have you walked this earth ...how many times have you died in the hands of embarrassment ...and how many times have you been reborn...is rebirth actually so painful as we make it out to be ...is rebirth not the sign of life itself ...does it not epitomise the kicking feeling of being alive and can anyone deny that THAT itself is the biggest adrenalin rush that possibly could be .....going back to school ..studying again....competing again....winning again..losing again...re doing your hair again ...changing your dwelling place again...falling in love again ...are these not signs of rebirth.....re kindling of the youthful buoyant spirit that one so aften mistakes as arrogance of youth......it like learning to unlearn...teenage...the swinging twenties..the steady thirtites and bang you are brought face to face with what you require to make the difference in the last lap ...your youthful optimism ....your ability to start from scratch ..your courage to dissmantle every theory to it basic origins and rework bottom up ......life makes a fool of everyone of us in many ways than one could fanthom...and its lure guile and temptation is such that each one of us is lured back into the game ........to be fooled again ..and again...why do we celebrate one birthday a year if we are reborn every now and then lets celeberate our rebirths trust me evry day will be a party and the hangover ......left to imagination ..to each his own :-)

i carry your heart with me

to where the mind roams free ......

I somehow just love this poem so much that not only do i accept that i cannot get over it but want all to stand by it and enjoy it
e.e. cummings - i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it

(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

a heart born free........

to where the mind roams free ......fire n air ....fanning each others desires...the spark was spontaneous is an understatement...it began with a bang ...and the big bang theory which kicked off the milky way also states that matter was splashed away to create our universe ..while all other galaxies faded away leaving our little world drifting .....blissfully alone ...pristine ....this was our world ....born in the womb of uncertainty ,lack of passion and a bond grown weak.... the heart throbbed to survive...gasping for air in the form of recognition redemption acknowledgement not necessarily appreciation...was like a newborn gasping to emerge from the amniotic fluid that had protected only to encage....a heart born free.....it found me ...the air...the source of life...of sustenance.....idealism gave way to reality..creativity found a source of undiluted inspiration...ideas like pieces fell into the jigsaw puzzle....expectations formed the first part .....the bigger picture followed.....two diamensional initially.... the fire and air consumed all within to engulf ..to search for the third diamension..to meet....a rendezvous...clandestine...where the beauty innocuously conquered the beast......oo so hard for reality to measure up to expectation and its standards.......appreciation was love for one and acceptance was the binding force for the other......time for once was a bystander,silent waiting in rage for the disregard shown by the two hearts on fire.......words turned magical,the bond magnetic,flaws were discovered and discarded as realism faded into idealism ...dust to dust ashes to ashes.....the game between reality and idealism....all time favourite of time itself.......yet all was not as apparent to the naked eye... ..for the rate of consumption of air was far beyond its rate of supply...creating a mini vaccum in the heart of the burning fire...a vaccum which like a small black hole sucked in the environ..atleast it challenged to......a stray wind from the horizon swept across...splitting the fire into two...flames burning seperately...strongly ...independently....much to utter confusion....dismay of change.....is this possible ...one heart fanning two flames with equal intensity while the earth stood below silently watching the dance of death of one realtionship after another...........one decided to break free before total annihilation....guilty of having started a fission reaction which threatened every existing marital,maternal bond in sight.. a reaction which had gone beyond the control limits........the new born heart had grown more rapidly than its own expectation..outgrowing everything in its vicinity..........its nature unfolded...disclosed....scary to its own being....craving for a violent end ...surprisingly dreaming for it..yearning for it ......the motive thus supplied for rejecting the safer and embracing the dangerous......a bang yet again ...this little world split wide open...and i saw a glimse of the heart born free dissappear...at the speed of light ..moving further..and further away till the horizon could stretch no more ...lost in time .....for good.....an untamed heart now and forever cursed and blessed together......

To Monks and Ferraris ......

to where the mind roams free ......going home for a week is still better than not having gone at all for all the things the trip did to me and i cannot articulate or give form to .... my apologies the only tangible achievement stands out to be a book read in transit.."The monk who sold his Ferrari"

the year that just fades into memory is irrepressible by sheer multitudes of its ups and downs...quite non chalantly at last i am able to hold on to this statement as now in perspective it my career was there to support me when my personal front had fallen into an abyss.....where i was faced with Death of a loved one staring back and waiting for me to blink to the euphoria of having confronted fears and defeated them.The book talks about a professional who discovers post a trip down the Himalayan ranges that our desires for conveniences in life blind us to the inconviniences that they cause once acquired......he chooses to let go of them much in contrary to my own decision last year where i desperately clung on to my professional world... but yes i guess both of us chose to do what we thought was best ....it was a short trip where my 14 month old Niece demanded i become a toddler and regret the moment i laid eyes on her that the vacation had been longer...i purged my soul in the days spent .........rolling over soft white pillows almost as big as her,hiding among them ,tossing screaming bringing down the roof literally.....The path the journey the walk the trip was my treasure...my path of diamonds

As for the present am back in the concrete jungle ..not empty handed though ..i carry an indellible snapshot of the moment She emerged from a pile of 8 pilows and blessed me with her toothless grin........my shot in the arm for a long time ahead